Iceland/Protestant Lutheran – “I grew up being one of the most anti-Muslim, anti-Islam people you could ever meet”
I’ll try my best to be clear and hopefully not bore those that read this too much. I’ll start at the beginning…
I
was born Anna Linda Traustadóttir to Icelandic/Danish parents in
Reykjavík, Iceland in 1966 and baptised into the Lutheran Church. My
family moved to Vancouver, Canada and then to New York City when I was
young. I finished high school at 16. In 1988, I got my B.A. from McGill
University, Montréal, Canada. Since then I have been travelling around
the world, studying and working. Denmark has been my base since 1990.
In
1997, while studying Arabic in Cairo, one of my English girlfriends, a
born-again Christian bought me a portable Bible, with both the Old and
New Testaments. I was extremely pleased because I had decided that I
needed to know what the Bible was and what was in it. And I felt that I
could hardly call myself Christian without consciously studying the
Bible.
In
1998, whilst studying at Damascus University, I read the whole Bible,
from cover to cover, taking notes as I went along. Once I had completed
it, I realised that there were too many inconsistencies, too many things
I didn’t agree with. Like the Old Testament’s portrayal of God and
women, not to mention all the things that Paul wrote in the New
Testament. And when I read about the holy men, the Prophets, like Noah,
Lot, David, etc., I found that I didn’t respect them. I love and admire
Moses (from the Old Testament) and Jesus (from the New Testament).
Having already read the Torah, I tried getting a complete Jewish Talmud,
to no avail. I’d always heard that Jews (except for Reformed) do not
recognise someone who converted to Judaism. Also, many, though not all,
Jews are Zionist (those who support Israel). And I am terribly
anti-Zionist and anti-Israel, and so, by default, pro-Palestinian. I
also wanted a religion that would accept a convert. I dabbled with
Buddhism but decided this was not for me, as Buddhists don’t believe in
God. And I strongly believe in God, always have. Buddhism is still
interesting as an alternative way of life. My mum and I used to discuss
Hinduism and so I was very interested in it, but there are just too many
Hindu gods for me. Therefore Hinduism was out of the question. That,
and the fact that you cannot convert to Hinduism.
When
I had my son, Andrés Ómar, in October 2001, I was asked whether he
would be baptised, and even then I refused. I felt that innocent
children would surely be welcome in Heaven, baptised or not. Anyway, how
could I introduce him into the Christian religion when I myself did not
call myself a believing Christian, though I was born and raised as a
Protestant? I didn’t believe in the Trinity, in Mary as the “mother” of
God, in Jesus as the “son” of God, in Jesus dying to cleanse us of our
sins, in Jesus crying out in Aramaic on the cross: “Eli, Eli, lama
sabakh-tha-ni?” I mean why would Jesus cry out: “My God, my God, why
hadst thou forsaken me?” when Jesus knew he was sent on a mission by God
as a prophet of God?
I
grew up being one of the most anti-Muslim, anti-Islam people you could
ever meet. This is true: I was. I had also been anti-Arab before moving
to Cairo to study Arabic (I thought Arabic calligraphy was beautiful).
I’d grown up in the States, raised on American movies, which always
portrayed Arabs as fundamentalists, radicals, women-oppressors,
religious fanatics, terrorists, never normal, average people. The large
majority of people who are anti-Arab has never been to any Arab country.
The reality there is very different.
In
1999, I went back to Damascus to work at an embassy. There in 2000, I
met an engineer named Mohannad. We married soon after we met. To be
honest when I married Mohannad, I married him because I loved him, even
though he was Muslim. Over time, I realised I loved him because he was
Muslim. A good Muslim. I had meet many Muslims here in Denmark and in
the Middle East, and just like in my life, I’ve met some nice and
not-so-nice Christians, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, etc. I thought all
those Muslims I’d met were representing Islam. And whenever I asked
Muslims questions about Islam, one thing struck me: Nearly everyone
claimed to be an expert in Islam, even those who gave me, I later found
out, false information. It would have been more prudent just to say: I
don’t know/I’m not sure. Yet I never judged Christianity or any other
religion by its followers. Strangely though, I judged Islam by every
Arab I meet, even though 1) not all Arabs are Muslim. Some are
Protestant, Catholic, Jewish, Druze, Coptic, Alawite, etc. And 2) most
Muslims aren’t Arab. Muslims can be Indonesian, Indian, Chinese,
Macedonian, Malay, Russian, Thai, African, Bosnian, American, Swedish,
etc., and of course, Arab. I had been raised not to be prejudiced, but I
was. It took me a long time to realise this.
It’s
only after countless hours of discussion, and at times arguments (!),
with my husband that I came to be open-minded enough to realise that I
didn’t have the full picture.
During
Ramadan, November 2002, I asked Mohannad whether he would help me read
the Qur’an in Arabic. He had little time, but I was determined to read
the Qur’an in Arabic with the help of a good translation. When I read
the Qur’an, Islam’s holiest book, I thought it was beautiful, so
scientific, so compassionate, so feminist! Nearly all the books I’d ever
read about Islam, all written by non-Muslims, showed Islam in a
negative light. Those people who wrote against Islam sometimes gave
partial quotes from the Qur’an, leaving out the rest of the verse, or
they would translate the verses incorrectly, on purpose or by mistake. I
knew enough Arabic to know that what I was reading was unlike anything
I’d ever read.
So
much science, so much knowledge that has been only recently discovered.
I mean the Prophet Mohammad mentions: black holes, space travel, DNA
and genetic science, evolution (transformation and mutation), geology,
oceanography, embryonic development, aquatic origins of life… WOW! I had
always heard that the Qur’an was basically just a watered-down version
of the Bible, but none of this was in the Bible! I wondered how someone
over 1400 years ago could have written anything like this! Some of these
ideas were only discovered this century. Then I thought, well, Arab
scientists, astronomers, mathematicians, cartographers were so advanced
for that time, maybe some of them got together and wrote a book, loosely
based on the Torah and the Gospels. But then I studied it further and
realised that the Arabic scientific revolution followed the arrival of
Islam. Then I read that Muslims believe that the Qur’an was given to
Mohammad through the Angel Gabriel, and is the continuation of God’s
word. Muslims believe that parts of the Torah and parts of the Gospels,
that speak of Jesus’ life, are inspired by God, or “Allah” as God is
called in Arabic. Not just Muslims, but Christian and Jewish Arabs also
call God “Allah.” Muslims revere Abraham, Solomon, Moses, Jesus, and
Noah, in fact, all of the Biblical Prophets. It is also mentioned that
there are other prophets that came to other nations to help them become
better people. It’s said that Buddha was one of these prophets, but that
he along with Jesus, never meant for people to believe he was superior
to God, just that he was a messenger of God. They also believe that the
Prophet Mohammad is the last prophet, until Jesus returns to Earth.
It
says in the Qur’an that Allah can put a veil over our eyes and a stone
over our hearts so that we can neither see nor feel the message of the
Qur’an. Only when Allah is ready for us to know it, do we understand. On
12 December 2002, I had an incredible dream that started me thinking
and contemplating religion more deeply. Dreams are very important in
Iceland and dream interpretation is practically a science! I never
thought I needed a religion. Religion fascinated me, but I had believed I
was doing fine just believing in God, taking bits from different
religions until I got my own cocktail: “Anna’s Mix.”
In
January 2003, I started looking at the Internet, just doing searches
like: “Islam,” “Qur’an,” “Muslim,” etc. In March, whilst in Reykjavík, I
got the opportunity to speak with one of my best Icelandic girlfriends,
a Muslim, and she recommended a really good English translation (the
Abdullah Yusuf Ali version), to go along with the original Arabic. In
April, I received it and started using it as a supplement.
In
May 2003, my Icelandic Muslim friend returned the visit and stayed two
weeks with us. We started talking about the Qur’an. I told her that I
wanted to translate it into Icelandic. She told me it was her dream too.
We agreed we would do it together. We used our time together well,
discussing Christianity, Judaism and Islam all day, every day. She had
questioned her Lutheran faith, considered Judaism, visited Israel
(“Occupied Palestine” as far as I am concerned) twice, and only on her
second visit, started to consider the other side of the Arab-Israeli
conflict. She got interested in Islam. She had earlier gone a similar
path as I, coming to the same conclusions. Back in 1995, when she told
me she’d become Muslim, I behaved badly: I was extremely negative. Shame
on me for being unsupportive!
Now
I found myself seeing myself Muslim. I told my husband about my
revelations, and he questioned me at length. He asked me to wait with
changing my religion. He told me that becoming Muslim would make my life
more difficult, that people who didn’t know Islam would treat me
differently, that at this time, in the year 2003, and in this world we
live in, people would ridicule me. He said I might lose contact with my
family and my friends if I took on the Muslim faith. He feared that
people that didn’t know me so well or that I hadn’t seen in a long time,
or ever met him, would think he was forcing me to become Muslim. I told
him if that were true, we could not have got married, for when we
married, I was Christian, and had remained Christian up until then.
Also, I argued, people who have known me at all know I am a
strong-minded, true feminist/humanist, that I am opinionated, but not
narrow-minded, and that no one can control me…My parents have tried for
years to no avail!
I
decided then and there that if friends and family didn’t want any
contact with me because I decided to become Muslim, so be it! My
religion is mine and I am proud of my research into Christianity,
Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism and Islam. It has taken me years and
countless hours of reading and soul-searching to get to this point. My
belief in God is something I have always taken seriously and I have
never been ashamed to declare this faith, even when others ridicule me
for believing in something they say we cannot see. I argue, look around
you, how can you not believe in a supreme being that created everything
around us. And for those of you that view Islam as some kind of cult, it
isn’t. It’s one of the biggest religions in the world, if not the
largest: One in four people on this planet is now Muslim, and it’s the
fastest growing religion.
So
finally, on 4 June 2003, I decided to officially become Muslim so that I
could go on Hajj to Mecca. I had been searching for answers for a long
time, since my childhood, and by the mid-1990’s, I was buying books on
different faiths. Deep inside, I imagined I would find the answers for
me. I remember the first time I heard the “Azan” (the Muslim call for
prayer, when a fellow says “Allahu Akbar” (God is Great) from a minaret
at a mosque). It was a bright, sunny, February Sunday in Cairo in 1997,
so church bells were also ringing, but when I heard the call for prayer,
tears streamed down my face, without my realising it. I wasn’t Muslim,
but it moved me. One of my oldest and dearest friends, a Catholic, was
in Beirut a while ago, staying at a hotel and woke up to the call for
prayer at 4.30 during her first night in Lebanon. She thought it was so
moving that she also cried.
When
I read the Qur’an, I feel it in my stomach, deep in my gut, that this
is right for me. The inspirational beauty of the Qur’an makes me
sometimes cry. It’s an all-encompassing way of life. No other religious
book ever moved me to tears.
The
Qur’an is simply put the most complex book I’ve ever read. The more you
read it, the more you both understand and at the same time, question.
The Qur’an is meant to inspire you to learn more. Every time you read
it, you peel off different layers of understanding. I am not an expert; I
never will be. Even if I read from it every day for the rest of my
life, I will still learn something new. It’s full of mysteries. I still
also supplement my Qur’anic studies with Biblical studies like the
“Gospel of Barnabas,” “The Torah,” etc.
I’ve
also since got some new Muslim girlfriends over the Internet. Whilst
searching the net, I came across an Icelandic Muslim site: www.islam.is,
and I contacted the writer. We started a correspondence. Around New
Year’s 2004, I sent her a report I wrote entitled “Islam in Iceland
2003,” which I am submitting to the Saudi Government, she suggested we
three work on the translation of the Qur’an from Arabic to Icelandic
(Kóraninn), as she also speaks Arabic. So it seems that we will be three
Icelandic Muslim women working on translating the Arabic Qur’an. For
those of you looking for a good English version, I’ve heard the Muhammad
Asad translation is also very direct, but I myself have yet to get hold
of it.
I
did however buy an incredible amount of reading material in Kuala
Lumpur last summer. It’s a new Muslim’s mecca for books. I really
stocked up! My husband, son and I stayed a month in Malaysia. What an
incredible place! Of Islamic areas, I had only been to the Arab
Middle-East and here was a whole new Islamic world in South-East Asia!
The experience was wonderful to say the least. I had always been fond of
Islamic art and architecture, and all of Malaysia is both an indoor and
outdoor museum! Under the former Muslim Prime Minister Mahathir
Mohamad, Islam had a revival. He wants to unite all the Islamic
countries, not just in a so-called Islamic Union, but he also wants one
currency, a gold dinar. What a visionary! Islam needs more men and women
like him!
I
always try to be positive, so I think it’s a very exciting time, the
21st century! If someone like me can become Muslim, there’s hope for
anybody! The friends that I have discussed religion with recently know
that I have become Muslim, and without fail, they have been extremely
supportive. I was a bit surprised that they were not shocked. They said
they knew one day I’d find my niche (I’d been searching so long), and
they were happy for me. Some even call me by my new Muslim name: Núr,
which means light. I also still use Anna Linda, because it’s the name my
parents gave me and it represents part of the person I was for 36
years. Núr is just the continuation of me!
So ends my story: “Journey to Light,” a journey which is, in fact, just beginning!
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