Mahmood Mahdi Al-Istanboli Language: English | Format: PDF | Pages: 158 | Size: 1 MB
The marital life is an interesting and
necessary institution. If one fails to understand the core of the
conjugal relation between man and woman he will lead a life of oblivion
and disorientation.
I hope that the prospective spouse study
the technique of marriage before getting into it. Unless we teach our
prospective spouses the correct way of their new marital life, they may
resort to erotic books or stories that mislead them. There are many
misconceptions about marriage and man-woman relationship.
Therefore, I decided to write this
beneficial treatise and authenticated treatment clearly explaining the
way to a happy marital life. I pointed out certain issues important to
everyone who marries, and with which many wives in particular have been
tested. I ask Allah Most High to bring about some benefit from this
treatise, and to accept this work solely for His glorious countenance.
Surely, He is the Righteous, the Merciful.
It should be known that there are many
etiquette in the area of marriage. All that I am concerned with here in
this quickly compiled work is the Qur’anic verses and that which is
authenticated of the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad, that which is
irreproachable from the standpoint of its chain of narration and upon
which no doubt can be cast in terms of its constructions and meanings.
In this way, whoever reads and follows this information will be on a
clearly established basis in religion, and will have full confidence in
tl1e source and validity of his actions. I hope for him that Allah will
put the final seal of felicity on his life, in reward for beginning his
married life with the following of the Sunnah, and to make for him among
His slaves. I openly discussed sexual relation between husband and
wife. No wonder, Islam is a realistic religion. Sex is a natural and
creative urge. Hence, Islam lays down great importance on marriage and
the constitution of a new family.
When talking about sex, the Glorious
Qur’an is very euphemistic though clear. Particularly, the Qur’an uses
euphemism and figurative speech when dealing with matters pertaining to
sex and man-woman relationship.
The Qur’an deals with the human life and
all what it contains. It permeates into the personal relationship
between husband and wife to organize it. It further provides the remedy
to one’s passion and passionate love.
When recounting the story of Yusuf
(pbuh), the Qur’an highlights the conflict between the blazing sexual
urge and the suppression of that urge by adhering to Allah’s Guidance.
Allah Almighty says:
{But she in whose house he was, sought to
seduce him and she fastened the doors, and said: ‘Now come,” He said:
“Allah forbid! Truly (thy husband) is my lord! he made my sojourn
agreeable! Truly to no good come those who do wrong and (with passion)
did she desire him, and he would have desired her, but that he saw the
evidence of his Lord: thus (Did you order) that We might turn away from
him indecent deeds: For he was one of Our servants chosen.}} [Yusuf:
23-24]
The evidence which Yusuf saw was the
evidence of faith. In the Prophetic Hadith we have also another story
which emphasizes that faith is the safety belt that protects man against
whatever he might face of worldly appeals.
Allah’s Messenger said, “While three
persons were traveling, they were overtaken by rain and they took
shelter in a cave in a mountain. A big rock fell from the mountain over
the mouth of the cave and blocked it. They said to each other. ‘Think of
such good (righteous) deeds which, you did for Allah’s sake only, and
invoke Allah by giving reference to those deeds so that Allah may
relieve you from your difficulty.
One of them said, ‘O Allah! I had my
parents who were very old and I had small children for whose sake I used
to work as a shepherd. When I returned to them at night and, milked
(the sheep), I used to start giving the milk to my parents first before
giving to my children. And one day I went far away in search of a
grazing place (for my sheep), and didn’t return home till late at night
and found that my parents had slept. I milked (my livestock) as usual
and brought the milk vessel and stood at their heads, and I disliked to
wake them up from their sleep, and I also disliked to give the milk to
my children before my parents though my children were crying (from
hunger) at my feet. So this state of theirs and mine continued till the
day dawned. (O Allah!) If you considered that I had done that only for
seeking Your pleasure, then please let there be an opening through which
we can see the sky.’ So Allah made for them an opening through which
they could see the sky.
Then the second person said, ‘O Allah! I
had a she-cousin whom I loved as much as a passionate man loves a woman.
I tried to seduce her but she refused till I paid her one hundred
Dinars. So I worked hard till I collected one hundred Dinars and went to
her with that But when I sat in between her legs (to have sexual
intercourse with her), she said, ‘O Allah’s slave! Be afraid of Allah!
Do not deflower me except legally (by marriage contract). So I left her O
Allah! If you considered that I had done that only for seeking Your
pleasure then please let the rock move a little to have a (wider)
opening.’ So Allah shifted that rock to make the opening wider for them.
And the last (third) person said ‘O
Allah! I employed a laborer for wages equal to a Faraq (a certain
measure: of rice, and when he had finished his ,job he demanded his
wages, but when I presented his due to him, he gave it up and refused to
take it. Then I kept on sowing that rice for him (several times) till
managed to buy with the price of the yield, some cows and their shepherd
Later on the laborer came to me and said. ‘(O Allah’s slave!) Be afraid
O Allah, and do not be unjust to me an give me my due.’ I said (to
him). ‘Go and take those cows and their shepherd. So he took them and
went away. (So, O Allah!) If You considered that I had done that for
seeking Your pleasure, then please remove the remaining part of the
rock.’ And so Allah released them (from their difficulty).”
This book consists of a scientific and
realistic discussion of manwoman relationship. Spouses should know each
other spiritually, physically and sexually.
They must not feel shy when discussing
such matters that to sex. They should feel that they are one entity.
Platonic love is not enough to unify the spouse hearts. Sexual
satisfaction may be the fruit of their physical and spiritual unity.
Therefore, they must be creative and cooperative.
Man-woman relationship is not only innate
but also acquired. It needs much study to be understood. It needs
developing and renovating so that the partners might not feel bored or
monotonous.
Foreword:
All praise is due to Allah, Exalted be
He, the One who made marriage lawful and superior. He made it for the
continuation of mankind and the population of the earth. He the Almighty
said in the clear verses of His Book:
{(And among His Signs is this, that He
created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in
tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your
(hearts): Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect)} [Al-Rum
30:21]
These verses of the Noble Qur’an clearly
show that in contrast to other religions like Christianity, Buddhism,
Judaism etc. which consider celibacy or monasticism as a great virtue
and a means of salvation, Islam considers marriage as one of the most
virtuous and approved institutions. The Messenger of Allah (peace be
upon him) declared, “There is no monasticism in Islam.” He further
ordained, “O you young men! Whoever is able to marry should marry, for
that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty.”[Al-Bukhari]
“Many the affectionate and fertile
(woman), for I will compete with the other Prophets with the number of
my followers on the Day of Judgement.” [Ahmad and Tabarani]
The human desire, although common to all
living beings, in case of men and women there are some unique aspects.
There are in Islam, certain etiquette upon anyone who marries and wishes
to consummate his marriage with his wife. Most Muslims today, even
those who exert themselves in Islamic worship have either neglected or
become totally ignorant of these Islamic etiquette.
It is also important that you know how to
deal with your wife to get the reward of this worldly life and the
Hereafter. The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) is reported to have said,
“There are three things that bring happiness: a righteous woman whom you
admire when seeing her, and whom you trust as regards your honor and
property when leaving her, a good mount that enables you catch your
friends, and a wide house that has many utilities. But there are three
things that bring adversity: a woman whom you dislike when seeing her,
who hurts you with her tongue, and whom you do not trust as regards your
honor and property when leaving her, a bad mount that bothers you if
you heat it, and if you do not beat it, it does not help you catch your
friends, and a narrow house that has few utilities.” [Narrated by
Al-Hakim]
“Whoever Allah grants him a righteous
woman has got one half of his re1igion. Thus, he should fear Allah in
the other half” [Narrated by At-Tabarani].
–
Table of Contents:
• Foreword
• Introduction
• Marriage is an Act of Worship
– Marriage as Allah’s Favor
– The superiority of Marriage
– Chastity
– Women Are on the Top of Worldly Enjoyment
– Misconception of Worship
• Before Marriage
– Righteousness and Marriage
– Adulterers only Marry Each Other
– Beware of Outer Appearance
– Looking at One’s Prospective Partner
– Medical Check up before Marriage
– Undercutting Another’s Betrothal
– The Constant Love and the Blooming Marriage
– Marrying Young Ladies
– A Woman’s Guardian
• Islam and Love
– Marriage, the Best Bond for the Lovers
– Hard Love
• Blessed Marriage
– The Bride’s Consent Before Marriage
– The Woman’s Right to Marry a Suitable Match of Her Choice
– The Presentation of Ones Daughter (for Marriage) To a Religious Man
– The Bride’s Dowry
– A Proposal of Marriage
– The Necessity of Giving the Dowry
– The Address While Marriage Proposal
• Recommendations before Marriage
• In the Bed room
– Caressing One’s Wife When the Consummation of Marriage with Her
– What a Husband Says on the First Day of Marriage
– Women’s Speech
– What a Husband Says upon the First Time to Have Sexual Intercourse with His Wife
– The Prohibition of Spreading Bedroom Secrets
– What a Husband Does on the Next Day of Marriage
– How Does a Husband Approach His Wife
– Reward Even While Having Sexual Intercourse
– Reward for Those Who Have Sexual Intercourse with Their Wives on Fridays
– Sodomizing One’s Wife
– Guarding One’s Nakedness Except from His wife
– Intercourse with One’s Wife during Menstruation
– One’s Privacy before his Wife
– Wash Yourself for Another Sexual Approach
– The House Must Have a Place for Bathing
– Disaffecting a Person’s Wife
• Caressing
– Caressing One’s Wife
– Caressing One’s wife Even While Menstruation
– The Bathing of Husband And Wife together
– The Superiority of Caressing One’s wife
– Having Sexual Intercourse With One’s Wife While
– Fasting in Ramadan
– The Prophet, the Funny Husband
• The Wedding Banquet
– The Wedding Banquet
– The Obligation of Accepting the Wedding Banquet
– Not Accepting the Wedding Banquet If One sees something disapproved of (from the standpoint of religion) in the party
– Supplication While the Wedding Banquet
• Take Care of Women
– Kind Treatment of One’s Wife
– How to Deal with a Wife Whom You Dislike
– Forbearing One’s Wife
– The Exhortation of Taking Care of Women
– The High Rank of woman in Islam
• Advantages and Disadvantages
– Beautiful Women in Paradise
– o The Description of a Righteous Woman
– Undesirable Woman
– The Ideal Wife
– The Prophet, the Faithful Husband
• Rights and Duties
– The Wife’s Rights
– Deserting One’s Wife for a Long Time
– The Wife as a Friend
– The Husband’s Right towards his Wife
– A Woman’s Voluntary Fasting
– The Superiority of Maintaining One’s Husband
– The Heavenly Wives Defending Their Husbands
– The Reward of Obeying One’s Husband
– Take Care of Women
– The Responsibility of the Spouse Towards Each Other
– The Political and Military Goals of Marriage
– Evidence of the Prophecy
• Marriage Is Enjoyment and Responsibility
– The Marital Life Is Not Just for Pleasure
– From the Arms of His Bride to the Battlefield
– How Islam Brings up the Woman
– Women and knowledge
– The Leisure Time
– Characteristics of the Leaders Wives
– The Prophet As A Serious Husband
– The Ascetic Life of the Prophet
– The Superiority of the Perseverance of One’s Wife
– Maintaining One’s Wife
– The Reward of Maintaining One’s Children
– A Miser Husband
– Having Many Children
– Giving the Call to Prayer in the Ears of the Newborn Baby
– Sacrifice for A Newborn and Circumcision
– Name-Giving
– The Prophet As A Kind Father
– Changing Silly Names
– The Tribulation of Children
– Islam and Girls
– The Reward of Taking Care of Girls
– Women and Teaching
– Maintaining the Woman’s Health
– Educational Principles
– Bringing up One’s Children
– When should a Child Be Ordered to Perform the Prayer
– Lying to One’s Children
– Equality Among Children
– Kind Treatment to One’s Children
– The Reward Granted to the Parents Who Have a Dead Child
– Intercession of Children for their Parents
– A Wife Should Relieve the Misfortune of Her Husband
– Obedience to One’s Parents
• The Tribulation of Women
– Cherchez la femme
– The seriousness of sex
– Non segregation of sexes and staying in seclusion with woman
– O Wife Be Ware!
– A gaze Is one of Satan’s Arrows
– The Clear Truth
– A Wife Should Satisfy Her Husband as Quick as Possible
• Family and Dangers
– The Husband’s Relatives and Friends
– Beware of the Display of Woman’s Body
– Women Imitating Men and Vice Versa
– Negative showing off
– The Prohibition of Imitating the Unbelievers
– Chaste people Are under Allah’s Shade
– The Reward of Chastity
– Do Not Approach Adultery
– Sexual Relation in Paradise
– Repentance
• Jealousy Consumes Love
– Jealousy
• A Feather in the Wind
– A wife Is Rebellion Against her Husband
– A Husband Is Rebellion Against His Wife
– Arbitration
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